reacting to my old…writing (TATMIAU pt. 3)

It’s been so long since the last installment of this, but I just feel like critiquing myself, so here we are again.

Good afternoon everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. As the title suggests, today I will be reacting to part 3 of Younger Me’s writing called Tessa and the Murder in Avon, Utah.

If you missed the first and second parts of this series, be sure to check it out because it’s really funny and also includes the previous parts of the story that I’ve already critiqued.

This always ends up being a little embarrassing but still super fun, so sit tight, and let’s see how part 3 of this disaster of a book will go!

note: me being salty or “mean” to my younger self is all in fun, so don’t take it too seriously!

part of the reason why I decided to write this was because I’ve been dying to use that divider. Lol 🤦🏾‍♀️ Okay, back to the normal post.

page 6, part 2
  • I feel like a golden room would look really ugly. Everything is gold colored? And the sun is shining? Yellowness overload.
  • I have to agree with Teresa on this, because with siblings of my own, I do not want to spend my vacation taking care of anybody. Especially little kids. And a moody teenager on top of all that? It would be disastrous.
  • “Now we are taking care of little bubbly kids. Oh they’re cute.” That sounds weird. First she complains, and then says they’re cute? And then she “moaned”? That’s a really terrible piece of dialogue Younger Me.

page 6 part 3
  • Enough with describing them as bubbly little children. They’re not living up to that at all. They should have barged in and disrupted their conversation by now if they truly were bubbly.
  • *searches flannel shirt* I had to have read this somewhere because I don’t think I’ve ever owned a flannel shirt. Though it looks nice.
  • Embroidering. EMBROIDERING. Remember that whole idea that maybe Tessa is a vampire and this town is somehow yanked out from the 1880s? Yeah. This just reinforces that. Maybe Maddie legitimately loves embroidering, but I’m not buying it.
  • And it looks like Younger Me is still using every opportunity to describe Maddie as this devilishly mean character.

page 7 part 1
  • You know, I don’t think people really call family friends Aunty and Uncle like that? Like yes, in my culture, when you’re addressing/talking about them, you refer to them as Aunty or Uncle, or Grandma/Grandpa if they’re older. And I know they do that in other cultures too, but I don’t think it’s really a thing people like Tessa would do. But it’s okay, I’ll forgive Younger Me for that
  • Does Maddie ever smile or do anything “right”? Seriously, why was Younger Me making her such a villain?
  • The writing could be better in this part, but it’s not too bad.

page 7 part 2
  • I’m laughing so hard at the irony of this. Even if it was Sunday, the beach probably would still be packed, let alone a Saturday. And the “everyone was resting” has me dead 😂 you rest by going to the beach, not by sitting at home lol
  • Very wrong punctuation in the last sentence. I also didn’t know by clapping you could speak…

page 8, part 1
  • Teresa sounds kind of fake in that first line. It’s like “AAH! Cute. Moving on!”
  • Tessa clap-talked again. I really didn’t know that was possible.

page 8, part 2
  • I wonder if Trish did that on purpose. It rhymes. I actually kind of like it.
  • The writing in this part has kind of deteriorated compared to the first parts. There are so many things that I want to rearrange, or re-write because it’s bothering me how badly worded it is.
  • How does Tessa know Maddie’s full name? I don’t remember it ever being mentioned? And I know the capital o in “DO” was probably a mistake, but it creates a funny picture in my head imagining Tessa say this.

page 9, part 1 — also sorry that Tessa’s dialogue gets broken up. The start of this is “You have to stop it…”
  • The problem with Tessa’s outburst is that there was no indication of this anger and annoyance at Maddie’s attitude slowly simmering beneath the surface. If we’d seen that, it would have been more…dramatic isn’t the word, but something like that. This just seems sudden and a little out of place, especially considering that Tessa has been very pacifist and “ooh, they’re so cuuttteee” so far.
  • Oh, so everyone just went back to doing what they were doing, and they all ate at the same table, and no one said a word? No discreet coughs, or more gentle “good cop” reprimands directed to Maddie to offset Tessa’s “bad cop” outburst? I’m feeling very awkward just imagining that on all of their behalfs (behalves?).
  • Not to mention that based on Maddie’s character portrayal so far, I’d expect her to glare at Tessa and leave with a ceremonious slam of the door. Or something that’s like the stereotypical moody grumpy rude teenager that she’s been described as so far.

page 9, part 2
  • Cough. Trish won’t be a great mother then if she has to have the all wonderful and awesome Tessa come tell her kids how to behave on her behalf.
  • “Cuz” is very out of line with Tessa’s personality and word choice so far. It’s just so wrong and out of place.
  • Also, I’d love to have that super sleeping power because I really really need it.

This part was kind of bad. I’d rate it 1.5 to 2 stars because it’s just not that good. I’m getting a lot of fake vibes from the characters, there were some inconsistencies, and the writing has gotten worse compared to the first two parts.

I also think that now is about time for the mystery aspect to come back. In the previous installment, I did mention how I was proud of my younger self for not making the mystery a huge part of those pages, but I think enough time has now passed and a reference should have been thrown in during these pages.

Maybe when they were at the beach, Tessa saw something that made her remember the weird guy and then that started gnawing at her or something like that. Right now, it feels like that mystery aspect is just completely gone.

What do you guys think? Is there anything that stood out to you? Do you also think that there should have been some reference to the mystery by now? Am I the only one getting fake vibes from the characters? How did your week go? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

13 thoughts on “reacting to my old…writing (TATMIAU pt. 3)

  1. This was so much fun to read, and all of these posts are amazing!! In second grade I wrote a short story called ‘the day it rained popcorn’ and I want to do a similar post because it’s probably pretty bad. I don’t know if I’ll be able to dig it up though, or if it’s forever buried on some school computer.

    Liked by 1 person

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